Placebo. He scrawled that in his little pad when I let go of my shrouded cacti. Oh, what was I thinking? He said, “Nirvin, your condition fits in the gray area of psychology. Now, that means we are still unsure. But meanwhile, take these.” He tore off another page to hand to me.
Outlandish, wasn’t that? I think so. So next time I went, I cracked his mirror. As they held me back, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Save me, you Fool!” He murmured things to mom standing over the shattered glass. Awakened, I looked for my phone, but it was gone. But I was back home… I was happy again.
Run, run, run! Then came the race in Annual Sports. I came last because the bloody sweater fell out from my waist. Do people notice things like that? Rampage! For that’s the next thing I remember. It was my night, and I reigned supreme! Bwahaha. Then, time was for school.
Ninety-nine to seventy-six – how come? That’s how my grades fared. Then I heard, “Nirvin, very bad.” I’m normally good: the teachers don’t hit me. My friend tells me it’s as I’ve got a face that’s too naïve to hit. But I must disagree. Mom hardly scolded me before restarting work.
Again… It’s him again. “Why won’t you shut up?! Stop your sick games.” So I woke up late. Time for the next killing spree, but a little birdie’s begging me to stop. Oh, but how can I? It’s better than reading – I don’t miss that. Next, I massacre them all.
Dreams aside, I had to go to a real doctor. Something wrong with my eyes. Yet a younger me had perfect 20/20 vision. But he doesn’t anger me. Instead, the good doctor took tests and gave me the formula for my lens. All righty. Life changes [snap] like that!
Dearth – I feel a dearth of freedom. Have you felt like an alien vessel? I sweat by an excess when I go out, even if there is pure nothing. Now I float in alien waters. It is the same water, isn’t it? But I can only claw at the walls.
Internet. The internet – because there’s only one of it. But who cares if one person is bright and another sad in this world wide web? Blood has linked us for longer. That reminds me of red gushing fountains. The bright side is that when I kill, I draw no blood.
Crossroads – something we fail at in this house: I certainly did. I stole seven hundred rupees from Pop, he and I brawled 5 minutes straight. It’d take no more. We broke some vases and the TV. And if the old man wasn’t hard of hearing, his heart would’ve given, too.
Today is a big day. It’s about time they gave me some real medicine: Zoloft and Serafem or something. This doesn’t come close to my two wrath nights in my dominion. But I feel weird. My head is light, but my brain is… bleeding?
I am not afraid to hear them race past. Though, this time, there is blood, and it’s real gory. Then, I close my eyes as the flickering lights lull me into a deep sleep. Next: pure, blank, nothing… space. This tricky tranquility is all the peace I’ve ever had.
Orange – or is it yellow – I see next. Also, they’ve fixed the light now. But my head’s numb. When touch my face, I swear I feel 39. Words are coming out of their mouth: “attempt”, “months”, and “re… visitation?” But I’m happy, you know, as I’m an idiot.
Nickname? – “Nirvin.” – And your job? – “Oh, that’s not applicable. I’m a student.” – All right, and we’re done here. You have a seat right over there; I’ll revert to you. – “Thanks.” “Gaupolis Green Center,” a sign says. I enjoy the company of 110 others. I’ve lived here for a month out of my 2-year term.
Klutzy as I am, I snuck my phone, which I bargained for with sweets, into the bath. So soapy hands aren’t great for holding tech – I learned this the bleak way. And it slipped. So had God wanted it. What now, I have not a clue. So I pick it up.
It broke, but saved me. For the screen shattered, and it’s now past – in an abyss. All the memories. The good and bad. But I guess it’s my chance to start anew. So giving up. The doctor, rage, not studying; everything. I’m giving it all up. Finally, I get the little chick: quit.
Levying all my willpower and neurons, I pick up the phone again. I take a nice hard look at the gizmo that ruined my life. My hand swings back, and then shifts fast. Before I know it, the phone, and those evil memories, are but chunks of glass and wire.
Learning is a lifelong thing: Rabindranath was right when he said that. I have since left that odd facility, got a helping friend, and set a bus for the commute to my cubicle. We married; we named our child “Irida.” She held my finger so tight the other day, it almost hurt.
Skills are all that matters as I go forward – I say this from what I’ve learned so far. So I take courses online – every topic from neurobiology to economics. Yet I feel heavy, but those shrouded cacti will follow me no more.
